I was 14. I thought it was normal.

I was 14, and he was my first real boyfriend. It was exciting that an older boy liked me. Everything happened really fast. One minute we met, then we were friends, and then he was coming round my house. After that, I was his girlfriend.

Some people at school were confused why I was with him, and my teachers warned me about him, but I was 14 and didn’t think anything was wrong. The first few weeks were okay, he always stuck up for me, defended me and said he was protecting me.

It didn’t take long before he wanted to have sex. Every time he came to my house, he would ask for something more. I didn’t want to, and he made me feel guilty, like I should want to because I was his girlfriend. I told him no, but he said I was just playing hard to get. He told me he loved me and said he would wait until I was ready, but he kept asking anyway.

As time went on, he started being horrible about my friends. A lot of them were scared of him. Every time I went out, he would ring me over and over again, needing to know where I was all the time. When I told him I was with my friends, he would get angry, so I started going out less.

We argued more, and when I tried to stand up for myself, he would get angrier. Sometimes he pushed me or threw things. He would make me feel so guilty if I didn’t do what he asked. He would ask me over and over and over again until I gave in. It felt easier to do what he wanted just to avoid his moods and temper.

I never had my own time or space; he controlled my life. I always had to be on the phone with him so he knew what I was doing. He was always touching me when we were together, even if I said not to. I felt smothered, like I couldn’t breathe. I felt like a shell of myself. I was always tired, like I had no energy left.

I knew in my gut that something wasn’t right. It’s really important to listen to that feeling and tell someone if you’re worried about your relationship or not feeling like yourself. That excitement I felt at the beginning, it was not excitement, it was my body’s early warning signs. Safe people don’t give you butterflies or anxiety; they make you feel safe. He said sorry, and he said he would change, but he never did.

I was 14, and this was my first relationship, so I thought this was normal.

It isn’t normal. You deserve to feel safe and respected in all relationships.