Discover the symptoms, diagnosis, and challenges of Erotomania and its link to trauma.
Erotomania — also known as De Clérambault’s syndrome — is a rare psychiatric condition in which a person believes, without evidence, that someone else (often of higher social status or fame) is secretly in love with them. This belief is not simply a fantasy or crush – it’s a fixed, delusional conviction that can persist for months or even years.
While the Netflix series You has glamorised erotomania through the character of Joe Goldberg, the reality of this disorder is often very different, especially when experienced by survivors of trauma or those living with mental health conditions.
Erotomania is extremely rare, with an estimated lifetime prevalence of 0.2%.
It can affect any gender, but is historically reported more often in women who are shy, socially isolated, or sexually inexperienced.
It is more likely to appear in individuals with existing conditions such as:
Schizophrenia
Bipolar disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Complex trauma or abandonment issues
This is the core condition, occurring without another underlying psychotic disorder. It typically involves:
This occurs alongside another mental illness — often schizophrenia or bipolar disorder – and is typically:
Erotomania may be the mind’s attempt to escape unbearable emotional pain by retreating into a fantasy world where love and safety feel guaranteed.
What are the symptoms?
A person with erotomania may:
Believe that someone is secretly in love with them
Misinterpret harmless actions as signs of love (e.g. social media posts, glances)
Attempt to make contact through:
Stalking
Letters or emails
Repeated online interactions
Justify the other person’s rejection or disinterest as part of a hidden love story
They may also claim the person is sending “coded” messages, such as posting on social media at specific times that hold symbolic meaning.
What are the potential risks?
Most individuals with erotomania do not become violent. However, in some cases — especially when humiliation or rejection becomes unbearable – they may experience:
Emotional breakdowns
Attempts to retaliate or confront the other person
Suicidal ideation or self-harm
Persistent stalking behaviour
This poses significant risks both to the person affected and the target of their fixation.
What does diagnosis and treatment involve?
Erotomania is a delusional disorder, and diagnosis must rule out other psychotic conditions. According to current psychiatric standards:
The delusion must persist even when the object of affection clearly denies interest.
The rest of the person’s life may appear “normal,” which can make diagnosis difficult.
Treatment may include:
Antipsychotic medication
Trauma-focused therapy
Family or group therapy
Hospitalisation in severe cases
Crisis management to ensure safety
There is no single treatment pathway. Recovery is often long-term and depends heavily on addressing any underlying trauma.
How can you support someone with Erotomania?
If you believe someone is experiencing erotomania:
Set clear boundaries and avoid unintentionally encouraging delusions.
Stay neutral and calm in your responses.
Do not confront them aggressively – this may increase distress or escalate behaviour.
Involve professionals when possible – including therapists, mental health crisis teams, or safeguarding officers.
Call 999 if there is an immediate threat to safety.
