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Grooming
Sexual grooming is when someone builds trust with another person to abuse or exploit them sexually while hiding their intentions. Grooming can happen to children and adults, making the abuse hard to notice and stop.
What is sexual grooming?
Grooming is a way that abusers prepare someone for sexual abuse. They may:
- Choose someone they see as vulnerable
- Spend time alone with them and separate them from others
- Gain trust with the person and those around them, like family or colleagues
- Slowly introduce sexual ideas, language, or touch
- After abuse, try to keep the person silent or make it easier to continue abusing them
For children, experts describe five stages of grooming: choosing the child, isolating them, building trust, desensitising them to sexual content, and using strategies to maintain control after abuse. Adults may experience similar behaviours, often using emotional manipulation, flattery, or dependence to gain control.
Many grooming behaviours look like normal caring actions. For example, giving gifts, spending time together, or giving compliments may seem innocent but can be part of grooming if the person’s intentions are sexual. Studies show that people often only realise grooming happened after abuse has occurred. Behaviours that may be warning signs include isolation, physical contact, sexualised language, or exposure to sexual content.
Signs someone may be a victim of grooming
Victims of grooming may display a variety of emotional, behavioural, and social changes. These can include:
- Appearing unusually secretive or withdrawn
- Sudden changes in behaviour or personality
- Anxiety, depression, or fearfulness around certain people
- Avoiding particular adults or situations
- Sudden reluctance to spend time online or on devices
- Receiving unexplained gifts or attention from an adult or older person
- Displaying knowledge or behaviour that seems inappropriate for their age
- Becoming socially isolated or losing interest in friendships and activities
It is important to remember that these signs do not always mean someone is being groomed, but they can indicate that a person may be at risk and might need support or intervention.
Red-flag behaviours to watch for
Showing sexual content or pornography
Using sexual jokes or innuendo
Being partially or fully undressed around someone
Spending lots of time alone with the person without others present
Excessive gifts, attention, or compliments
Emotional manipulation, control, or coercion
What Does The Law Say?
In the UK, grooming is a criminal offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. The law makes it illegal for an adult to:
- Meet or communicate with a child under 16 with the intention of committing a sexual offence
- Send sexual messages or materials to a child
- Cause or incite a child to engage in sexual activity
- Engage in sexual activity in the presence of a child or encourage them to watch sexual acts
Adults can also be prosecuted for grooming other adults in certain circumstances, particularly where there is exploitation, abuse of trust, or coercion. Legal penalties vary depending on the severity of the offence, but grooming can result in imprisonment, registration as a sex offender, and other criminal consequences.
Understanding what the law says can help survivors recognise grooming behaviours and seek justice.
Why understanding grooming matters
Knowing what grooming looks like helps people:
- Recognise abusive behaviour from caring or normal behaviour.
- Understand past experiences and feelings.
- Access the right support and interventions.
- Protect themselves from further abuse.
Grooming in adulthood and/or childhood can be confusing because it often involves trust, affection, or professional relationships. Understanding it is an important step in healing.
Getting support
If you are experiencing or have experienced grooming, support is available. You can speak to trained professionals, organisations, or local services that provide confidential guidance and help. Support can include:
- Talking to a trained counsellor or helpline
- Accessing online or in-person support groups
- Seeking advice on safety and coping strategies
You do not have to manage the effects of grooming alone, and reaching out for help is an important step.
References
This resource draws on research, reporting and expert analysis from the following sources:
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Bennett, D., & O’Donohue, W. (2014). Understanding sexual grooming of children and adults.
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Canter, D., et al. (1998). Offender behaviours in child sexual abuse.
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Craven, S., Brown, S., & Gilchrist, E. (2006). Sexual grooming of children: Review of literature and theoretical considerations. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 12(3), 287–299.
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Centers for Disease Control (CDC). (n.d.). Child sexual abuse statistics.
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Groth, A. N., & Birnbaum, H. J. (1978). Adult sexual interest in children: Assessment and issues.
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Hébert, M., et al. (2009). Disclosure of child sexual abuse: Delays and barriers. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 18(4), 305–323.
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Lanning, K. V. (2010). Child molesters: A behavioural analysis. National Centre for Missing and Exploited Children.
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McAlinden, A. M. (2012). Grooming and the law. Criminology & Criminal Justice, 12(2), 171–185.
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Spenard, D., & Cash, S. (2022). Recognising sexual grooming behaviours in experimental vignettes.
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van Dam, C. (2001). The prevention of child sexual abuse.
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Winters, G. M., et al. (2020). The Sexual Grooming Model: Validation and behaviours.
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Winters, G. M., & Jeglic, E. (2016, 2017, 2021). Sexual Grooming Scale and recognition studies.
Safeline also draws on its direct work with survivors of sexual abuse and exploitation to inform this content.