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Myths
Sexual abuse is surrounded by harmful myths that perpetuate shame, guilt, and misunderstanding. These myths not only prevent survivors from coming forward but also affect how society, friends, and family perceive and support them.
Safeline is dedicated to challenging these misconceptions, fostering understanding, and providing resources for survivors and their supporters. Below, we dispel some common myths about sexual abuse and highlight the facts.
Myths about Victims/Survivors
Fact
People have the right to drink alcohol without getting assaulted.
Having sex with someone who is very drunk, drugged or unconscious is rape – and it is always the rapist’s fault.
Myth
If someone is drunk, it’s their fault if they get raped.
Fact
Rape is about power, control and violence.
Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men and people who identify as non-binary or trans are equally likely to be sexually abused. Being sexually abused has nothing to do with your current or future sexual or gender identity .
Myth
Only gay men and boys are sexually abused.
Fact
Abuse does not discriminate.
People of all genders, ages, and backgrounds can experience sexual abuse. Male survivors, in particular, face unique barriers to disclosing abuse, stemming from social stereotypes about masculinity and sexuality.
Myth
Only women are victims of sexual abuse.
Fact
Anyone, regardless of size, strength, or gender, can be a target of sexual abuse.
Statistics show that 1 in 5 men has experienced sexual abuse, yet shame and stigma often prevent them from seeking help.
Myth
Men cannot be sexually abused.
Fact
People have different responses when exposed to traumatic situations.
Many survivors experience a “freeze” response during trauma, rendering them unable to move or speak. This reaction does not negate the lack of consent. Manipulation, threats, or intimidation also play a significant role in controlling victims.
Myth
If someone doesn’t fight back, it wasn’t rape.
Fact
Only 10% of rapes are committed by strangers.
The rest are committed by someone the survivor knows, such as a friend, neighbour, colleague, partner, or family member. People are raped in their homes, their workplaces, and other settings where they previously felt safe. The risk of rape by a stranger shouldn’t be used as an excuse to restrict what someone can do.
Myth
Women shouldn’t go out alone at night as they are likely to get raped by strangers in dark alleys.
Fact
Sexual abuse and sexual orientation are not linked.
Sometimes survivors question whether the sexual abuse has had an impact on their sexual orientation. You may worry that you were abused because you were gay, or that the abuse ‘made’ you gay. In our experience, the majority of men sexually abused by other men in childhood identify as heterosexual in adult life. What research there is points to sexual abuse having no significant effect on adult sexual orientation. However, being a survivor can leave you uncomfortable or unsure about your sexual identity.
Myth
Sexual abuse makes you gay.
Fact
Rape is never about what someone is wearing or how they are acting.
The responsibility for rape lies entirely with the perpetrator. No one “asks for it.”
Myth
Women provoke rape by their clothing or behaviour.
Fact
This is a dangerous myth.
The vast majority of people who were sexually abused as children never rape or sexually abuse other people. This is a dangerous myth that is sometimes used to excuse the behaviour of people who do sexually abuse children or others. There is never any excuse for sexual violence against children or adults.
Myth
People who were sexually abused as children are likely to become abusers themselves.
Fact
False allegations of rape are very rare.
Stories in the media can give the impression that women often lie about sexual abuse. However, this is not true. Only 1 in 6 victims who have been raped or experienced sexual violence ever tell the police.
Myth
Women often lie about rape because they regret having sex with someone, or because they want attention.
Fact
Everyone has the legal right to say ‘no’ to sex…
…and to change their mind at any point of sexual contact. If the other person doesn’t stop, they are committing sexual assault or rape. When it comes to sex, we must check in with our partners, respect their wishes, and believe what they tell us about what they do and don’t want. No means No.
Myth
When it comes to sex, women and girls give out mixed signals. They sometimes ‘play hard to get’ and say ‘no’ when they really mean ‘yes’.
Myths about Perpetrators
Fact
Men can control their urges to have sex.
Just as women can. No-one needs to rape someone for sexual satisfaction. Rape is an act of violence and control. It can’t be explained away and there are no excuses.
Myth
Once a man is sexually aroused, he can’t help himself; he has to have sex.
Fact
40% of callers to the National Male Survivor Helpline were abused by women.
While most sexual assaults are perpetrated by men, women can and do commit acts of sexual abuse against other women, men, and children. Often people who’ve been sexually assaulted or abused by a woman worry they won’t be believed or their experiences won’t be considered ‘as bad’. This can make it difficult for these survivors to access services or justice. They also often face disbelief or dismissal, making it harder for them to seek help.
Myth
Women don’t commit sexual offences.
Fact
There is no typical rapist.
People who commit sexual violence come from every economic, ethnic, racial, age and social group.
Myth
Men of certain races and backgrounds are more likely to commit sexual abuse.
Fact
Consent matters.
It must be given freely every time, regardless of the relationship status. Marital or relationship rape is illegal and a violation of trust and autonomy.
Myth
You cannot be raped by your partner or spouse.
Fact
Rape is about power and control
…not sexual desire. The majority of men who commit sexual abuse against other men identify as heterosexual.
Myth
Men who rape men must be gay.
Why These Myths Persist
Misconceptions about sexual abuse thrive due to cultural norms, media portrayal, and misinformation. These myths contribute to delayed disclosure—on average, women take 12 years to disclose childhood abuse, while men take 22 years. The stigma surrounding sexual abuse creates barriers for survivors seeking support and justice.
Safeline actively works to dispel these myths and provides tailored support to survivors and their loved ones, including:
- Counseling and Therapy Services: Offering safe spaces for survivors and affected others to process their feelings.
- Helplines and Online Support: Confidential emotional support for individuals across genders.
- Educational Campaigns: Raising awareness about consent, challenging victim-blaming narratives, and promoting healthy conversations about sexual violence.
By confronting these harmful myths, we can create a culture that supports survivors, encourages early disclosure, and holds perpetrators accountable.