What Netflix’s You Reveals About Erotomania and Obsession

Trigger warning: This article discusses stalking, delusional behaviour, and trauma-related mental health conditions.

Since its debut, Netflix’s You has captivated audiences with its gripping portrayal of obsessive love, stalking, and violence — all centred around the unsettling character of Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley). But in the penultimate season, the show takes a darker psychological turn by more prominently portraying the condition Joe likely suffers from: Erotomania.

At Safeline, where we support individuals affected by sexual abuse and also at risk to it, we believe it’s crucial to explore how real-life mental health conditions like erotomania are portrayed in the media. As well as what they actually look like away from the screen.

What Is Erotomania?

Erotomania is a rare and often misunderstood psychiatric condition in which someone develops the delusional belief that another person is in love with them, despite having little or no contact.

In You, Joe becomes obsessed with women he barely knows, misinterpreting fleeting interactions as signs of romantic connection. This depiction mirrors real-life symptoms of erotomania, which can include: believing a stranger or celebrity is sending coded love messages; repeated attempts to contact the person, even after rejection; justifying the other person’s indifference as part of a secret love story

While the show sensationalises this behaviour, it also opens the door for a wider conversation about trauma, stalking, and untreated mental illness.

Learn more about Erotomania

The Roots of Erotomania: Trauma and Isolation

According to Dr. Gauri Khurana, a clinical psychiatrist at Yale, erotomania often has roots in abandonment, unresolved childhood trauma, and a profound sense of emotional isolation.

“It’s actually too much pain for their mind to handle,” Dr Khurana says. “So the person begins to inhabit their fantasy world (the erotomanic delusion), which is the only realm in which they’ll ever feel truly loved, safe, and happy.”

This insight is echoed in a 2021 case series published in the Industrial Psychiatry Journal, which found that many patients with erotomania were shy, dependent, and sexually inexperienced. Patients often had histories of emotional neglect or abuse.

For survivors of sexual abuse or other complex trauma, this pattern of retreating into fantasy as a form of self-protection may feel familiar. While not everyone who experiences trauma will develop erotomania, it’s another example of how mental health can be deeply shaped by early harm.

What the Show Gets Right — And What It Misses

While You does accurately show that erotomania can lead to obsessive behaviour, stalking, and violence, it takes time to explore the inner distress and trauma that often fuels this condition. More often than not, it fixates on the gruesome and violent actions instead. Opting for drama and shock. Thus, the trauma is left as a small sub-plot mentioned here and there.

You glamorises Joe’s dangerous behaviours

In real life, those with erotomania may be unaware that their thoughts are delusional. They are often socially isolated and misunderstood. Females are more likely to develop the condition – a contrast to the show’s protagonist. If you were to meet Joe, he presents – as brilliantly acted by Penn Badgley – as a charismatic bookworm who has a self-aware inner monologue. In particular, some episodes show his awareness of his obsessions. But, like individuals with erotomania in real-life, he rarely seeks help or receives a diagnosis.

Erotomania can exist as a primary condition (with no other mental illness). Or as part of a broader psychiatric diagnosis such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (known as secondary erotomania). Although, You glamorises Joe’s dangerous behaviours it does hint towards the complexity of erotomania at times. Throughout, the show incorporates scenes where Joe has difficulties with hallucinations, delusions, and moments of psychosis. Each implying that his erotomania is secondary.

In both cases of the condition, treatment can include antipsychotic medication, trauma-informed therapy, and – when necessary – hospitalisation to ensure safety.

Netflix’s ‘You’ Season 5 poster

When Fantasies Become Harmful

While most people with erotomania are not violent, the disorder can have serious consequences. This is especially so for the object of the delusion, who may experience repeated harassment, stalking, or fear for their safety.

At Safeline, we support both survivors of sexual abuse and young people who are at risk of developing harmful sexual behaviours. Stalking, delusions, and fixation are not just criminal issues – they are also safeguarding and mental health concerns.

Why It Matters

When popular media platforms dramatise rare psychiatric conditions, they have the power to either educate or stigmatise. You walks a fine line. While it introduces audiences to a real disorder, it risks reinforcing harmful myths by framing erotomania as a plot device for a serial killer.

At Safeline, we believe in shining light on the reality behind the fiction: